65 days ago I stepped on German soil after 10 months. I was anxious how it would be to see my family and friends again and when I finally got my luggage I was probably even more nervous than ten months before, when I met my host family for the first time....
Well to shorten this post: I obviously saw my family and friends waiting and was really happy to see them all again. On the ride back home we talked a lot and then after 36+ hours without sleep I finally went to bed.
So why did it take me so long to finally write this post?
First of all I had a really bad jet lag and my first week was basically just sleeping and being on my phone way too much. In my second week back I met up with a couple of friends and had to pack all my stuff again (after unpacking everything just days before lol) because we were leaving for vacation....
So now that I am back and probably halfway settled in I decided to finally write this post but it was way harder than I thought. I started it probably five or more times with the result of a lot of unfinished thoughts and deleted texts so I'm looking forward to getting it straight this time.
After I came home I not only had a pretty bad jet lag (like I already mentioned) but also little to no motivation to be back... That may sound horrible to you but you have to understand this: I built my life for 16 years and left it for 10 months, but in America I built my life in 10 months and left it forever... You may say now that I didn't leave my American life forever and can go back to visit my family and friends there and you are right with that.
But you also have to understand that it will never be the same again... My friends graduated High School, some left the city and my siblings grew older, so yeah not to be overly dramatic or something but it just won't be the same ever again. So guess why it was and still is so hard for me to adapt back to being back in my old life.
Another reason is that I am just not the same person I was a year ago. I am more outgoing, sarcastic and independent but it is not only me who changed. Some days it feels like my life is a puzzle but the pieces won't fit together. My friends and my family changed too and we all have to figure out how to get along again.
At the moment the worst is when people ask how my year was... I know it is nice of them to ask but there is simply no way to describe my year in only one sentence. I could use words like "amazing, challenging, adventurous, changing" or "it was the best year of my life" but those words would only describe a tiny part of my year.
So yes, adapting to my old life is hard and can be challenging but I will just try to fit back into it without loosing the "new me" (if that makes any sense lol).
I know what I want and I know where I want to go from here and thanks to this year I feel super confident to reach my goals.
Another point is my host family. After I came back a friend asked me "Why do you miss them? They are not even your family." and this really hurt even though I know my friend didn't want to hurt me, she just couldn't understand that I thought of my hosts as a family too.
Before I came to the US, I honestly didn't know what to expect but in those past 10 months my host family became a second family, I became a big sister and I know I will always find a loving home back in Michigan.
My family and I still have a lot of contact and I am thankful for everything they did for me (even when my brothers woke me at 7am on Sunday mornings ;D) and I am confident that even when we're not living in the same country and seeing each other every day the bond we formed will stay.
(Sorry this got really cheesy :D)
So to understand what happens during an exchange year you should really read this quote:
"You will never feel completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
Well, now that I am back home, this is the end of my blog (at least for now, so stay tuned) and I really wanted to thank everybody for following me during this journey!
Much love to you guys.
XOXO
Alina
